Monday, February 3, 2014
100 Word Challenge: DJ
There was a fantasy land called pony world it was a place where ponies lived. Their was three main kinds named, care pony, smart pony, and hero pony. They were best friends. There was an evil pony trying to destroy the pony world. He was enemies with the three friends care, smart, and hero pony. The pony name was the evil peeer. The evil Peeer have tried to destroy Pony world but he was defeated by the 3 ponies. One day the evil peeer feel through an whole. There were others so he sad lets party. They thank and thought, but all we could see was water.
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Hello,
ReplyDeleteYou have a creative imagination to spin a story like this one. The fantasy pony land is unique and original. The names you chose for the 'good' ponies are wonderful traits. 'Caring' 'smart' and 'hero' are all wonderful examples of characterizations that readers can connect with.
The struggle between good and evil is a great plot-line for your writing. It is easily understood and championed by readers. Everyone always wants the good side to be triumphant.
It is a good idea to read your story aloud before you finalize it to be certain you have cleared up any issues. The evil pony should have 'fell thorough a hole' not 'feel through an whole'. I am sure he should have 'said' not 'sad' in the sentence about the party. Small things like that can be quickly fixed with a read through.
I do wish you would have given a little more thought to your ending. The prompt about the water seems disconnected from the rest of your story.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts,
Gina Felton (Team 100)
Hi Ms. Felton my name is Dj. I am glad you gave me that feed back because I have not done that. The reason why some of it did not make since because I was really trying to rush.
ReplyDeleteDj