Tuesday, April 29, 2014

100 Word Challenge: Ned

100 word challenge:Ned

I went in to the pantry destined to get the goldfish out of the drawer , I got them out of the cupboard and i tried to open the door it was locked.I tried again it was still locked.But when I opened the cupboard inside was a chainsaw,I stuck the chainsaw in the door so it made a hole , I crawled through the hole.I was out of the pantry.Now I went to the den and watched the Monday night baseball game it was braves vs giants. Mike Minor who had came back from the 15 day disabled list was pitching for the braves.
The End

1 comment:

  1. Hello Ned,
    Your determination to have a snack to munch on while watching the baseball game is quite a driving force in your piece. It is a smart writing strategy to use a familiar, common idea in your story so your readers to have a concept to connect with.
    Some of the words you have chosen give strength and power to your piece along with adding interest. 'Destined', and 'crawled' are great choices that build excitement.
    My suggestion for making your writing even better is to carefully proofread your piece before you finalize it. The parts about the pantry, drawer, door and cupboard are confusing. It seems that you got locked in the pantry somehow, but your meaning gets muddled up a bit.
    The resolution of your plot worked out well for you!
    Thank you for sharing your writing,
    Gina Felton (Team 100, Iowa)